Dad jokes for kids are a brand of humor unlike any other. They make you wonder whether you should laugh out loud over an ingenious pun, or roll your eyes over a silly play on words. With this brand of humor, you just never know what to expect: a cheesy knock-knock joke or a one liner that’s guaranteed to make you cringe!
There’s no shortage of them around, but if you’re looking for the best dad jokes for kids, you better stick around. We’ve curated some of the most funny dad jokes for kids guaranteed to make any child LOL.
Even if they just groan and roll their eyes, consider the job done, because that’s what dad jokes are all about. Take your time with these, because your kids might need a second or two before they can make sense of the goofy pun you hit them with, or a one liner they never saw coming.
The Funniest Dad Jokes for Kids to Enjoy
When dad jokes work, they can be a riot. Here are some of the funniest dad jokes for kids guaranteed to make them laugh.
- I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg.
- Mom is mad at me because she asked me to sync her phone, so I threw it in the ocean.
- Every time I take the dog to the park, the ducks try to bite him. That’s what I get for adopting a pure-bread dog.
- My dog is a genius. I asked him, “What’s two minus two?” He said nothing.
- I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know what comes first.
- What country’s capital is growing the fastest? Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.
- Most people can’t tell the difference between entomology and etymology. I can’t find the words for how much this bugs me.
- We’re renovating the house, and the first floor is going great, but the second floor is another story.
- I was going to go on an expensive vacation with a classical pianist, but he was too baroque.
- Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the “no-bell” prize.
- Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.
- I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.
- Why did Billy get fired from the banana factory? He kept throwing away the bent ones.
- You think swimming with sharks is cheap? Swimming with sharks cost me an arm and a leg!
- “Do you wanna box for your leftovers?”
“No, but I’ll wrestle you for them.”
- I once had a dream that I was floating in an ocean of orange soda. It was more of a fanta-sea.
- “Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?”
“Because if they flew over the bay, we’d call them bagels.”
- I can tolerate algebra, maybe even a little calculus, but geometry is where I draw the line.
- I used to run a dating service for chickens, but I was struggling to make hens meat!
- Mom texted me from the grocery store to say they’re out of pasta, so we’re “penneless.”
- I was walking down the beach when I heard a swimmer yelling for help with a shark circling him. I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
- Two windmills were sitting on a hill when one windmill asked the other windmill if they had a favorite song? All my life, I have been a heavy metal fan!
- I was going to go on an expensive vacation with a classical pianist, but he was too baroque.
- Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be “justwater.”
- To the person who stole my diary and then died: My thoughts are with your family.
Related Reading: Witty Math Jokes & Puns That Are Pi-Fect & ACute!
Dad Jokes to Make Kids Roll Their Eyes
Some dad jokes can make kids laugh themselves silly. Other dad jokes . . . well, they might just make them roll their eyes. Well, here are some dad jokes to make kids roll their eyes.
- I failed my calculus exam because I was sitting in the middle of identical twins—I couldn’t differentiate between them.
- I used to hate the hokey pokey, but I really turned myself around.
- What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
- What do the royals put on their pancakes? Sir Up.
- What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
- I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks!
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
- You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.
- Whenever I try to eat a healthy lunch, a chocolate bar looks at me and Snickers.
- If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
- A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
- My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!
- What do you call a cow that can’t moo? A milk dud.
- If you see a crime happen at the Apple store, what does it make you? An iWitness.
- “What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account?”
- What kind of music do balloons hate? Pop music.
- I once got fired from a canned juice company. Apparently I couldn’t concentrate.
- How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh? Nothing, it’s on the house.
- “What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common?”
“They’re both ‘Paris-sites.’”
- It’s inappropriate to make a “dad joke” if you’re not a dad. It’s a faux pa.
- Did you know corduroy pillows are in style? They’re making headlines.
- I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said never mind.
- Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing? In case they get a hole in one!
- How do you follow Will Smith in the snow? You follow the fresh prints.
- To the person who stole my laptop with my copy of Microsoft Office on it: I will find you. You have my Word!
Related Reading: Best Parenting Quotes That Are Funny, Witty & Inspiring
Corny Dad Jokes to Try on Kids
If corny dad jokes for kids are next on your list, you’re in luck. These corny dad jokes may not always land, but when they do, they’re sure to delight!
- My kid is blaming me for ruining their birthday. That’s ridiculous, I didn’t even know it was today!
- Where do hamburgers go dancing? A meat-ball!
- Why is it dangerous to play cards in the jungle? Because there are so many CHEETAHS!
- When a toddler reaches the “why?” stage, it’s like opening a bottle of champagne—once it’s uncorked, there’s no going back.
- My boss asked me why I only get sick on workdays. I said it must be my weekend immune system.
- What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams? They lived “hoppily” ever after.
- What do you think of that new diner on the moon? Food was good, but there really wasn’t much atmosphere.
- Mom asked me to put ketchup on the grocery list. Now I can’t see anything!
- What do snakes like to study in school? Hissss-tory!
- How many chocolate bunnies can you put into an empty Easter Basket? Only one because after that, it’s not empty.
- How can you tell which rabbits are the oldest in a group? Just look for the gray hares.
- What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree with a computer? A pine-apple.
- Why was the turkey the drummer in the band? Because he had drumsticks.
- I tried to get a smart car the other day but they sold out too fast. Why? I guess I’m just a bit slow.
- Why can’t your hand be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
- What is the difference between a cat that got photocopied and a cat that follows you? One is a cat copy; the other is a copycat.
- Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank? Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.
- Why was the fraction nervous about marrying the decimal? Because he would have to convert.
- Why didn’t the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel? Because it had more cents.
- I hate Velcro. It’s a rip off.
- What’s the one thing you are guaranteed to get every year on your birthday? A year older.
- Why did the kid bring a ladder to school? Because she wanted to go to high school.
- Why did the Pilgrims sail from England to America? Because they missed their plane.
- Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor. What did one say to the other? Dill with it.
- I was wondering why the Frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.
Related Reading: Funniest Christmas Jokes for Kids of All Ages
Dad Jokes that Don’t Land
Dad jokes don’t always have to work. Sometimes they have a whacky punchline that doesn’t quite stick. Sometimes they don’t have a punchline at all. Here are some bad dad jokes for kids that you can try out.
- What do you call a line of rabbits walking backward? A receding hareline.
- Why does Santa work at the North Pole? Because the penguins kicked him out of the South Pole.
- Why did the vegetable call the plumber? It had a leek.
- Why are spiders so smart? They can find everything on the web. What do turkeys and teddy bears have in common? They both have stuffing.
- If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their age.
- What do you get when a turkey lays an egg on top of a barn?
An egg roll.
- How many apples grow on a tree? All of them!
- When you look for something, why is it always in the last place you look? Because when you find it, you stop looking.
- How does a scientist freshen her breath? With experi-mints!
- What do you call it when a group of apes starts a company? Monkey business.
- I’m reading my anti-gravity book and I just can’t put it down!
- Why do some couples go to the gym? Because they want their relationship to work out.
- I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.
- When I die, I want to be cremated. It’s my last chance to have a smokin’ hot body.
- How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but he has to do it during dinner.
- What side of a turkey has the most feathers? The outside!
- I told your mother she drew on her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
- I was standing behind a customer at an ATM and he turned around and said, “Could you check my balance?” So I pushed him. His balance wasn’t that great.
- I told my doctor I heard buzzing, but she said it’s just a bug that’s going around.
- What did the two pieces of bread say on their wedding day? It was “loaf” at first sight.
- Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to go spreading it!
- What does the stork do once he’s delivered the baby? He lies on the couch and drinks a beer!
- What do you call a dog that can tell time? A watch dog!
- Why are elevator jokes so good? They work on so many levels.
- Why did Rudolph get a bad grade on his report card? Because he went down in history.
Related Reading: Best Riddles for Kids of all Grades (With Answers)
Keep Them Coming!
Good dad jokes for kids that stick are really something, aren’t they? Whether it’s a pun about vampires and vegetables, or jabs at the silly things dads are known for, it’s impossible to get enough of them. You can always count on dad jokes to make them roll their eyes, or laugh out loud. Sometimes, all at the same time!
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Is there a perfect time to pull out these dad jokes to make my kids laugh?
You can never go wrong with dad jokes. But getting the timing right can go a long way when it comes to humor. Since funny things are usually right in front of us, the best jokes are off-the-cuff and when it’s least expected. Choosing the right moment to pull out a dad joke can be the difference between the joke sticking or falling flat. Here are a few instances where you could use such dad jokes:
- If your kid’s on the breakfast table and playing with their sandwich, you can ask them what two pieces of bread said when they got married. They fell in “loaf” at first sight!
- The next time you’re at the beach with your child, ask them why seagulls fly over the ocean. Then explain that if they flew over the bay, we’d call them bagels.
- Even pop out questions out of the blue to make mundane things more interesting and funny like, “What did the banana say to the boy? Nothing, bananas can’t talk!”
My kid isn’t impressed with these jokes. Is there something I could do differently?
That’s completely fine! All kids, like adults, have a different sense of humor. They might respond better to some kinds of jokes over others. It would help to keep trying until you’re able to figure out what subject matter appeals to your child. Maybe they’re not a huge fan of puns but love a simple knock-knock joke.